Wednesday, February 29, 2012

ad · dict · ed

Why do we fast?
What really is the point in starving ourselves? or DEPRIVING ourselves of what we love MOST!!
Well,  it is necessary if we want more of God and less of us.
We tend to focus on the lack of food, instead, the purpose of fasting should be to take our eyes off the things of this world or even closer, OURSELVES and to focus completely on God and what He really wants from us. Fasting is a way to show to God, and to ourselves, that we are serious about our relationship with Him. Fasting helps us gain a new perspective and a renewed reliance upon God.  It helps us draw closer to Him. Fasting changes us NOT God.
Matthew 6:16-18 declares, “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”
During this time of fasting, the Lord has ministered to my heart in numerous ways about many things.  But one thing in particular were my ADDICTIONS. Now before I tell you about my addictions I thought I would define what it means to be addicted to something.


  1. Physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance, and unable to stop taking it without incurring adverse effects.
  2. Enthusiastically devoted to a particular thing or activity.

Now that we know and understand what it means, here were my addictions:
  1. yelling
  2. screaming
  3. grinding my teeth (in anger)
Yes, I know, strange, huh?!  How can I be addicted to yelling, screaming and grinding my teeth in anger?  Well, lets look at the definition.  I physically and mentally depended on yelling (screaming, grinding my teeth) to discipline my children and get them to listen to me. I was unable to stop and saw that my children tuned me out and became even more defiant.  I saw in them mini-me's yelling at each other.  

When the Lord ministered this to me I NEVER thought that this could be an addiction.  I had to really think about it. I thought about people who are addicted to alcohol or drugs;  they depend on these things, thinking that they have control over it, when really they are being controlled by it.  They believe that they can't "feel" a certain way unless they have it.  

So I realized, I had been letting my anger control me.  Anything that I did not like - BOOM - it was like fireworks!  If I DID NOT YELL  (scream, grind my teeth) - I DID NOT HAVE CONTROL!! "I DIDN'T FEEL IN CHARGE!!"

The Lord is so AWESOME!  When He points something out He doesn't just point His finger and laughs, He gently shows us how we need to be and what we need to change.  So as a loving Father, He brought me to the book of Galatians chapter 5.
Living by the Spirit’s Power 16 So I say, let the Holy Spirit guide your lives. Then you won’t be doing what your sinful nature craves. 17 The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other, so you are not free to carry out your good intentions. 18 But when you are directed by the Spirit, you are not under obligation to the law of Moses. 19 When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division,21 envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. 22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have nailed the passions and desires of their sinful nature to his cross and crucified them there. 25 Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. 26Let us not become conceited, or provoke one another, or be jealous of one another. 
 The Lord gives me the answer right in His word and gently shows me that there needs to be a change.  Change isn't something that will happen just by me reading His word. First, I had to ask for forgiveness (to God and my children).  This is always hard because I just want to give the excuse "I am the adult and parent", but my children are God's children also.  He gave them to me to watch over them and teach them who He is.  With my outbursts of anger and selfish ways of living - "it's my way or the highway" - how can I tell them that I serve God and show them who He is? So forgiveness is really IMPORTANT and crucial for there to be change.  Second,  I have to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to dwell in me.  I have to meditate on His Word.  I have to memorize scripture and be RADICAL - all for God to receive HONOR and GLORY - He deserves the BEST of ME.
James 3:2- 12 
2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way. 3 We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. 4 And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. 5 In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.
   But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. 6 And the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.
 7 People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, 8 but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. 9 Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. 10 And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! 11 Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? 12 Does a fig tree produce olives, or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring.
  Our tongue can do amazing things being such a tiny muscle.  The word of God says, Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. This truly was like a knife to my heart.  I minister in song with my husband at our church.  When I read that I said, "Lord, forgive me".  How can I be yelling and screaming at my kids Monday thru Saturday and then Sunday expect you to receive my worship?  I have decided, AWAY with the OLD ME.  I have CHOSEN to use my tongue (mouth and words) to PRAISE, WORSHIP, HONOR AND GLORIFY GOD.  I have CHOSEN to use my tongue (mouth and words) to ENCOURAGE, LIFT UP, SPEAK LOVE, SPEAK TRUTH and SPEAK VICTORY in my life, my children's lives and my family.

  1. LOVE
  2. JOY
  3. PEACE
Heavenly Father, forgive me for allowing and bringing negativity, anger and discord into my home.  Lord, I belong to Jesus Christ, I nail the passions and the desires of my sinful nature to his cross and crucify them there. Lord I want to live by the Spirit.  Help me to follow the Spirit's leading in every part of my life.  Produce in me the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.   Lord receive my praise and worship.  May it be pleasing to your ears.  May it be like a fragrant aroma. 
Lord, help me to show my children who you are with my way of living, my way of speaking and my way of acting.  
Lord during this fast, CHANGE ME.  Not for this season but for good!  
I give you all the honor and all the glory - for you are WORTHY!  I love you Lord.

Many Blessings




  1. HI great post I found your blog from the comment on raising arrows. I totally agree, I to have an addition to anger and the only solution is confession and repentance. I had a big revelation on this at the being of this school year, I am also a homeschooling mommy. I read the book homeschooling with a meek and quite spirit... EXCELLENT! The problem is I recently gave birth to a baby boy stillborn, It's been very hard for me and I seem to be back to my old anger habit. I saw that you also have a baby in heaven. Any advice to get me through this time?
    Thanks Tesha

    1. Hi Tesha -

      I am so sorry for your loss. I know that this must be such a difficult time for you. I will keep you in my prayers. The Lord has really ministered to me in regards to my daughter. He has shown me so much, beyond what my own eyes have seen, in regards to myself. You have encouraged me to write about really the loss of a child. I hope you stick around and are blessed with all that is here. This blog is to glorify GOD. I just want to be a vessel for Him to use.

      God Bless you!
      All my love,

  2. Thank you for sharing :) I love this. I have found myself in this position WAY more than I care to share. I used to just think it 'was the way I was made'. Or, "Oh well, that's how I grew up and I turned out ok". Thank God he convicted me of this and helped me to see my children as flowers that will never bloom by me yelling at them. I could almost see myself (like looking from the outside) screaming like a lunatic and all the time thinking 'why are you doing that? How would you like it?'. It truly gets you nowhere and worse, it breaks them down. I am so thankful that God showed me that I received his undeserved grace and I need to pass it onto my children. My house is MUCH more peaceful and less stressful. Life changing stuff :)



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