December came and we could not pay our mortgage. I called the mortgage company to see if anything could be done and they did not give me much help. January came and we did not expect Gabriella to come when she did. I remember I was doing some work for our church and I kept getting braxton hicks contractions and I thought maybe I have been sitting too long. SO I kept talking to her (which I did not know it was "her" at the time), telling her mommy is almost done. Maybe she was uncomfortable. Well I finally went home and the pain kept coming and before I knew it I was in the hospital!
Gabriella was born and struggled to live. I trusted in the Lord and silently suffered, seeing my beautiful baby girl in so much pain. My husband and I prayed and prayed. We had friends and family praying. The Lord's will was to have her with Him. I did not know what was coming. I did not understand all that was coming. I was at a point in my life where I said to God "what did I do?" "where are you?" "everything was fine, what happened?"
March came, and my husband received more bad news (which will be another post). We were literally in debt, losing our home, our daughter passed away, our marriage was being hit, my relationship with my children was not what it used to be. I was in the midst of a STORM and I DID NOT KNOW WHEN IT WOULD END!!
I went to GOD but did not hear Him nor see Him.
|Source: google.com via Melanie on Pinterest|
He brought me to the story of when Jesus walked on water. You can read it in Matthew 14:22-36; Mark 6:45-56 and in John 6:16-21.
Let's look at what was happening:
- The disciples found themselves in a violent storm. All they knew to do was row and row, trying to get themselves out of the storm. They used all their energy to get out and could not.
- They see Jesus and do not recognize him. Why? They were not looking for him. They were looking for a solution to get out of the storm. When they do see Him, they were afraid.
- Peter steps out of the boat, walks a little, gets distracted and sinks
- Jesus proves to Peter that He is always there to grab hold of him, even in times of doubt and distraction. He is in control of the storm.
What God taught me:
- DEPEND ON HIM NOT ME!
- The Lord taught me that everything that I do in my power would eventually collapse. Anything that I consider a possible solution was not! Anything that I came to think of to comfort myself was false. The more physical and mental energy that I used was not going to get me any where, but physically, mentally and emotionally tired.
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. ~ Isaiah 40:28-31
For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. ~ Ephesians 3:14-19
Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ~ Ephesians 6:10
I can do all things through him who strengthens me. ~ Philippians 4:132. SEEK and EXPECT HIM
- During the beginning, middle, end, through, even when there is no storm - SEEK HIM!! Jesus was with me the whole time. I did not see Him because I was looking for the Jesus that brings the solution and not the Jesus that was bringing me peace. Many times when we go to God in the midst of the storm we expect the answer and the end of the storm. The Lord was teaching me that it would be His way. I would walk through this storm, with Him, if I allowed Him. He would not respond to my questions of why and how but, comfort me and bring me peace - I did not need to understand because He was there.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ~ Romans 8:28
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ”Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9
Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his presence continually! ~ Psalm 105:43. DO NOT GET DISTRACTED
- There were many times that I would let my emotions get in the way of what God was trying to do in my life. The death of Gabriella was extremely hard. The Lord knows how much I miss her. But I was reaching a point where I wanted her more than God, more than my husband, more than the children He already gave me. My distraction was not my daughter, it was my deep desire to bring her back when I knew I could not. I would go out and buy little girl clothes just to feel like I had her, when I knew that I did not. The Lord was teaching me to keep my heart and eyes on Him.
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” ~ Isaiah 30:21
4. JESUS IS IN CONTROL OF MY LIFE EVEN IF IT IS A STORM
- Just like the picture above, that is where I found myself. Like the disciples in the boat. Clueless, not knowing what to do. And Jesus being there the whole time I did not recognize Him. I wondered where He was. He was with me the whole time. I was looking for a solution. He was the solution. No matter if I was in a storm or my life was going great, the Lord taught me that He has to be the center of it and the One governing it. He has to have the steering wheel. In this case I have to get in the passenger's side! He taught me that His hand is always there for me... I just have to grab hold of it!
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~ Isaiah 41:10
Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:8-9
Have you ever noticed when a storm comes? Have you ever wondered of its purpose? Something that the Lord showed me recently was that when a storm comes, showers come! A lot of RAIN! Well, there is rain so that after the storm passes, what ever was planted before the storm, would bear it's fruit! Whatever God was/is doing with your life before the storm, in the storm and after the storm you are passing through, you will see its purpose, you will bear fruit! I know that I never expected the death of one of my children in my life, but the fruit that came of this storm are many walking to Christ and giving their lives over to Him. My dependence on God and giving Him the control over my life allowed me to see that TODAY!! You may not understand, you may not see its purpose, it hurts, there are tears, but GOD HAS A PURPOSE for what you are going through... grab hold of His hand... and don't worry if you don't understand and don't worry if you feel like crying... He understands and wants to hold you.For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ~ Jeremiah 29:11-13
If you have grieved a child please take time to encourage other Momma's. If you have never written about your loss, I pray that by visiting other's blogs you are encouraged and blessed.
There are no rules to this link-up. I just want it to be a place where Momma's can be encouraged and blessed. I would like for us to fellowship weekly. Each week, as the Lord lays on my heart, I will post certain things we Momma's go through/deal with during grieving, and as always share the Word. This is how the Lord has led me to do this link-up. Really it is a time of fellowship where we can gather to pray together and comfort each other.
I hope you would join me and this blog for fellowship.
I hope you would join me and this blog for fellowship.
A dear friend of mine, Tesha has a link-up on Tuesdays and I will have one every Wednesday. Please grab a button (on the side bar or in the "GRAB BUTTON"PAGE and spread the word about this fellowship so that other Momma's can be comforted.
For His Glory and By His Grace,